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IF THE THREE PIGS HAD LAWYERS by
William Hartel
Bigge, Badde and Wolffe
Attorneys at Law
TO: Fiddler Pig
FROM: Bigg, Badde, & Wolffe, attorneys at law
RE: Building code violations
Dear Mr. Pig,
This will serve as official notification of various building code violations on
your property located at 423 Straw. During a recent inspection it was determined
that the facility is not constructed of certified building materials. In fact,
according to the inspector, the home appears to be built almost entirely of hay.
As you know, hay has been outlawed as building material for many years due to
its inherent flammability. Therefore, we regret to advise you that the property
is hereby condemned. The building will be demolished by a wrecking crew of our
choice.
c. Huff, Puff and Blowe, Demolition
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Bigge, Badde and Wolffe
Attorneys at Law
TO: Fiffer Pig
FROM: Bigg, Badde, & Wolffe, attorneys at law
RE: property annexation
Dear Mr. Pig,
As you know, your property at 324 Straw has been under consideration for
acquisition to permit expansion of the highway for quite some time. Annexation
proceedings are now complete, and the building and structures will become the
property of the city in 30 days. You have had more than enough time to find
alternative lodging. Remove your belongings at once.
c. Huff, Puff and Blowe Demolition
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bigge, Badde and Wolffe
Attorneys at Law
TO: Ernest Pig
FROM: Bigg, Badde, & Wolffe, attorneys at law
RE: occupancy permit
Dear Mr. Ernest,
It has come to our attention that the number of individuals inhabiting your
property at 234 Brick exceeds the number allowed in the occupancy permit filed 6
April 1997. As you know, property located within the city limits is expressly
limited to two occupants. We have been advised that there are at least three
individuals living at the above referenced address.
It is imperative that our inspectors be permitted to examine the living
conditions. Please be advised that failure to comply will result in impounding
the property in question, and liquidating the contents by public auction,
followed by demolition. Please correct the situation at once.
c. Huff, Puff and Blowe, demolition
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Chiney, Chiney and Chin
Attorneys at Law
Dear Mssr. Bigg, Badde and Wolfe,
Please be advised that this office has been retained by Mr. Ernest Pig to
represent him in the issue of permitting entrance to his property located at 234
Brick for the purpose of inspecting the living conditions.
Although the occupancy permit referenced in your letter does state that no more
than two individuals may reside at the address, it does not specifically limit
the number of visitors allowed, nor does it define the term "reside."
Therefore, permission to inspect the property for any reason is not granted. Any
entrance will be considered trespassing and we reserve our right to self
defense.
Yours Truly,
Mssr. Chiney, Chiney, and Chin
P.S. The pot of water is presently boiling….
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